harmoniouspixels | Hart MMBC Episode 2 - The Sweet Escape (Reply)

Author's Note: The text is lifted from the original episode on Tumblr, which you can read here.

Oh, and the karaoke in this episode looks like total ass. Not sure how I would go about fixing that.

Original Airdate: March 11th, 2017

On today’s episode of the Hart Bachelor Challenge, we have a challenge that is purely luck-based! We also have some contestants make fools out of themselves for a chance at impressing Dean.

Dean: I wonder if anyone else is up yet?

[Cut to Delano]

Dean: Oh! Delano, I didn’t notice you over there. Are you the only one up?

Delano: I think so, but I feel like more people are going to be joining us soon.

[Later]

Lennon: Could you move? I’m trying to get out of here.

Jacob: Let’s see... No.

[Dean comes in, and begins to talk with Jacob about exercise]

Lennon: Oh come on.

[The contestants start to file into the cafe for breakfast, while Delano practices magic in the bathroom.]

Delano: Hey, I gotta practice somewhere, right? I’d rather do it away from everyone, just in case something goes wrong.

Lennon: DEAN WHAT THE ---- DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?

Dean: Uh, seducing you with scare tactics?

Lennon: DON’T YOU THINK IT’S A BIT EARLY FOR THAT?

Dean: ...maybe?

Delano: What the hell?

Aliza: I’m a little hesitant of the freshness of those cafe treats. Making something fresh is the way to go.

Lennon: Y’know, it’s never to early to treat yourself.

Kiran: What even are you doing in here?

Delano: Magic.

Kiran: I can see that, but what specifically?

Delano: Magic.

Kiran: Alright, I’ll back off.

James: Y’know Caleb, you’ve got to be one of the cutest people here.

Caleb: I, uh, I-I thanks?

James: [giggling] You’re welcome.

[Later]

Australia: Alright everyone, welcome to the first challenge of the BC! Well, more so luck based. All you have to do for this is get a positive fortune, regardless of what it is. Friendship, Romance, or Success gets you a chance at immunity. Negative fortunes like Misfortune or Betrayal don’t. Ready?

Aliza: Logically, that means we go first.

Jake: But clearly that doesn’t do any wonders for us.

Aliza: Touché.

Aliza Rinne is not eligible for immunity.

Jake Francisco is not eligible for immunity.

Esme: Does that mean we’re next?

Alice: Sure does.

Esme: [excitedly] This is good!

Alice: [sounding content] Yeah, I suppose this is.

Esme Razoud is eligible for immunity.
Alice Juster is eligible for immunity.

Jacob: Well there’s some good news for today!

Delano: Is it bad if I say I was expecting a negative outcome? This is a pleasant surprise.

Jacob Bryson is eligible for immunity.
Delano Ebonywood is eligible for immunity.

Lennon: I... Alright. That’s good!

Spencer: ...why does this seem ominous?

Lennon Lynch is eligible for immunity.
Spencer Keaney is not eligible for immunity.

Ambrose: This is great!

Kiran: I mean, it’s just a horoscope, but hey, if this means getting a chance winning immunity, I’ll take it!

Ambrose Zoltan is eligible for immunity.

Kiran Harris is eligble for immunity.

James: Ooh, this is exciting!

Caleb: Easy for you to say.

Caleb Lowe is not eligible for immunity.

James Louie is eligible for immunity.

Lennon: Hey, want to do something that will just wow Dean?

Jacob: Why should I listen to you again?

Lennon: Trust me! It’ll get us in better standing with Dean.

Jacob: Alright, fine. What is it?

Lennon: Come with me.

James: [whispering] Hey I’m gay for Caleb don’t tell anyone.

Jake: [also whispering] I’m pretty sure everyone knows at this point...?

Lennon: Is Dean watching?

Jacob: He sure will be.

Lennon and Jacob: [quite off-key]
♫

Woohoo yeehoo... woohoo yeehoo...
♫

Lennon: [slightly better]
♫

If I could escape I would but, first of all let me say, I must apologize for actin’ stank and treating you this way
♫

Lennon: [getting more confident]
♫

Cause I've been acting like sour milk all on the floor

It's your fault you didn't shut the refrigerator

Maybe that's the reason I've been acting so cold?
♫

♫

If I could escape & recreate a place that's my own world

& I could be your favorite girl (forever), Perfectly together

Tell me boy now wouldn't that be sweet?

♫

Jake: Get of the mic! You’re terrible!
James: THIS IS MY JAM!

Spencer and Aliza: [various boos of disapproval]
Dean: RAH!
Australia: This is chaotic. :)

Jacob:
♫

I want to get away, to our sweet escape, I want to get away, yeah..

♫

Lennon:
♫

You held me down, I'm at my lowest boiling point, Come help me out, I need to get me out of this joint

Come on let's bounce, counting on you to turn me around

Instead of clowning around, let's look for some common ground
♫

Lennon:
♫

So baby, times get a little crazy

I've been gettin' a little lazy, waitin' on you to come save me

I can see that you're angry by the way that you treat me

Hopefully you don't leave me, wanna take you with me
♫

Dean: If this is to continue...

Ambrose: What? There’s a bit of free time until the results come in on who is immune. I don’t have to be in there to hear their caterwauling. They’re quite loud to being with.

Lennon with Jacob:
[with Lennon breaking to sing Gwen’s parts]

♫

Woohoo, Yeehoo

Woohoo, Yeehoo

Woohoo, yeehoo (If I could escape)

Woohoo, Yeehoo
(If I could escape)

♫

Lennon: ♫

Cause I've been acting like sour milk all on the floor

It's your fault you didn't shut the refrigerator

Maybe that's the reason I've been acting so cold?

♫

Lennon and Jacob: [with the most confidence from the entire performance, with Jacob singing Akron’s vocals towards the end]

♫

If I could escape & recreate a place that's my own world

& I could be your favorite girl (forever), Perfectly together

& tell me boy now wouldn't that be sweet? (sweet escape)

If I could be sweet (sorry boy)

I know I've been a real bad girl (I'll try to change)

I didn't mean for you to get hurt (whatsoever)

We can make it better

& tell me boy now wouldn't that be sweet? (sweet escape)

Woohoo, Yeehoo (I wanna get away, get away)

Woohoo, Yeehoo (To our sweet escape)

Woohoo, Yeehoo (I wanna get away)

Woohoo, Yeehoo (Yeah)

Woohoo, Yeehoo

Woohoo, Yeehoo...

♫

[Upstairs as the song finishes]

Television Announcer: And we have just received word that in the case of Matthews v. Moonlight Falls that Mx. Finley Kang, led by legal team under Ms. Apollonia Matthews, has been found not guilty by the jury of the crimes committed on the television program, the Franics MMBC. While the prosecution is now attempting to appeal to a higher court, their efforts may be met in vain...
Alice: Jesus I just wanted my soaps to drown out that awful racket downstairs, I didn’t need something real.

Dean: Hey Ambrose! How are you doing? I didn’t see you around for... the performance.
Ambrose: Heh, I dipped and read, but now that the karaoke has stopped, I’m a hell of a lot better. Wait a second, does this mean...?
Dean: [laughing] Yep! Exactly what you think it is.
Ambrose: Nice.

Ambrose Zoltan is immune for this round.

Dean: Alice! How are you?
Alice: Well, watching my soaps helped. Then this news bulletin came through about that guy they convicted instead of the real murderer of Francis.
Dean: Really? What happened?
Alice: Found ‘em not guilty, as that Troye fellow should’ve. Can’t believe how bad he ------ that up, right?
Dean: I hear ya, I hear ya. Anyways, I wanted to tell you that you’re the other immune contestant for this round.
Alice: Really? That’s cool! Thank you!

Alice Juster is immune for this round.

[Later]

Caleb: You really think I’m handsome?
Aliza: One of the best looking guys here!

Lennon: I cost us the immunity by performing? I think you need to re-evaluate your singing friend.
Jacob: As if! You’re obviously the one who cost us.

“Oh! You’re up?”

“Yes. I can’t sleep.”

“Same. Want to take a dip?”

“As in swim?”

“Yeah!”

“Hmm. Sounds fun. A bit cold though.”

“Think of it as joining the Polar Bear Club. You look like you can handle it.”

“Heh. You really think so?”

“Sure!”

“Hey, wait a second. I didn’t bring my swim--”

[SPLASH]

“HEY! LEMME --- URP... URPH....”

“....”

Cathy: Well done, [garbled static], well done.
Chadrick: I couldn’t have done it better myself.

“That was... fun.”

Cathy: [grinning] That’s more where that came from. Head back inside and stay out of sight. Can I trust you to handle it from here? We’ll make check-ups somewhat frequently via phone.

“You can. It’s like I was never here.”

Australia: Now I could’ve sworn I hear something...

Cathy: [runs over and pins Australia to the wall]
Australia: [angrily] What the hell is this?
Cathy: Why don’t you keep quiet? That will make this easier.
Australia: Why should I?
Cathy: Well I know you would fight me hands down, make a fuss. [quietly] But for baby...
Australia: What did you just say?
Cathy: [grinning] Baby.
Australia: [flabbergasted] H-how did you...?
Cathy: We work for the same company, and I’m a higher rank than you. I know you took a break from your sports career to start a family, and this was going to be a “cushy” job for you for a few weeks until you could go on leave, or really start to show. Whichever came first.
Australia: What if I tell? I’ll get you -- [glances at Chadrick] -- both of you busted!
Cathy: Let’s just say you’ll both be going back to your husband in a body bag. I don’t think he would like his favorite and soon-to-be other favorite coming home like that hmm?
Australia: [goes silent]
Cathy: Changed your tune, huh? Well, scram. I’ll be watching you. Say anything and we’ll make sure that’s the last thing you say.

[Cathy releases her grip, and Australia goes away, footsteps growing distant the further he gets.]

Cathy: HMPF. Things like that get me so flustered.
Chadrick: Heh, I know. But you’re so cute when you’re angry.
Cathy: [giggles]

Cathy: Oh Chadrick, I’m so glad you came around to me.
Chadrick: So am I. Too bad I’ve got kids coming.
Cathy: Oh, forget about that! We’ll find a way. We always do.
Chadrick: I suppose you’re right.
Cathy: Now, let’s say you and I get that drink I talked about, huh?
Chadrick: Let’s go.

END OF EPISODE 2.

Hart MMBC Episode 2 End Notes

Fuck Cathy and Chadrick. I Loathe Them.

Pose Credits

Scuffle Poses by wannabecatwriter

Relationship Scores Under the Cut

Alice: 12.51
Aliza: 10.32
Ambrose: 9.68
Jacob: 9.34
Jake: 5.34
Delano: 3.33
Spencer: 3.33
Kiran: 3.33
Caleb: 3.33
Esme: 3.17
James: 0.08
Lennon: -0.65*

All scores were taken after midnight. My bad.

*Scare tatics for seduction clearly aren’t helping out Lennon and Dean’s relationship.